Oppression or empowerment for women? The lived experiences of women in consensual non-monogamous relationships with men

Abstract

Views on consensual non-monogamy (CNM) differ in the Netherlands and other parts of the western world, particularly regarding how women who are in CNM relationships with men experience these relationships. Highly positive discourses pose CNM as a progressive alternative to monogamy and as empowering for women. Simultaneously, some believe that women who are in such relationships with men are being used by these men, and that these relationship configurations are inherently oppressive towards women. In light of these varying discourses, this thesis is focused on investigating the lived experiences of women who are in CNM relationships with men, and on what their experiences can teach us about the possible emancipatory effects of CNM for women. I conducted interviews with four women, which revealed that these participants consider CNM to be empowering for them as women, particularly because of the sexual freedom they experience and because they feel space to form their relationships according to their own needs as well. Simultaneously, the interviews indicated that some CNM relationships might involve patriarchal elements, which challenges the notion of CNM as inherently involving gender equality. In addition, the interviews shed light on how people in the interviewees’ respective environments respond to their non monogamous relationships and the fact that they are women who engage in CNM.